Friday, September 5, 2008

Crisis Averted

I’ve been sick with a cold/flu the last couple of days. I’m taking it like a man. Which is to say, like a great big baby. But, on the positive side, all the time in my sick bed has given me time to ponder life’s big issues. With one huge result.

I’ve found a way out of this yarn diet nonsense. 

To review: 

The plan was to ban any other yarn purchases until I had used up at least 20% of my current stash. This because I am: a) living in the tiniest apartment in the world, which was becoming more and more claustrophobic by the day, as my stash gradually crept over any unoccupied space; b) spending more time acquiring yarn than actually knitting with it; and – and let’s face it, this is the clincher – c) strapped for cash.

I had already allowed myself two exceptions to the ban on further stash enhancement, which I neglected to mention here: 

Any yarn required for the Harry Potter Knitting/Crochet House Cup on ravelry. (Yes, I am one of those people; more on that, no doubt, later.) Soar, Ravenclaw!

2)      Any yarn needed to fulfill requirements for swaps I’ve already signed up for, either on ravelry or swap-bot. 

I mean, I’ve made commitments, here. It would be highly irresponsible of me to shirk my duties. Am I right, or am I right? (Note the absence of an alternative response.) 

Ok, so that was the plan. But I’ve just realized there really wasn’t a need for this diet in the first place. Well, not since Monday, anyway. 

Because on Monday, my stash was reduced by several pounds of yarn. Four green garbage bags worth of yarn, in fact. Three-quarters of it into the dumpster behind a friend’s office. (Yes, he knew about it. Which was a good thing, because he has a nosy neighbour who gave me the third degree about the whole thing. But I digress.)

One bag, I hasten to point out, went to the Salvation Army. That bag was filled with acrylics appropriate for charity blankets, hats, scarves and the like. I know I should have used these myself to knit said items, but I was in a groove with the de-stashing, and just Wanted. It. All. Out. Right. Now.

The other three bags were filled with some improperly stored yarns (remember, chez Piggy is in a basement, and while it is fairly cozy, it does lean a just a tad towards the damp end of the spectrum, and, of course, there are spiders), particularly heinous strains of novelty yarn, and a few species that while not true members of the novelty family, I really wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I did manage to take a few snapshots of some of the worst of the worst.  

The Big Ball of Boucle. Technically not a novelty yarn, but atrocious nonetheless. Those crafty Bernat people know you aren’t going to bring yourself to buy more than one skein of this dreck, and they certainly don’t want to keep it, so they put it up in a “skein” big enough to eat your cat. I think my plan was to transform this into a poncho for my sister. I’m sure she’s breathing a huge sigh of relief.

Next up, another Bernat beauty: Matrix. I bought six balls of this to make a wrap for my friend Michelle. First clue that this is going to be a huge pain in the ass: the ball is held together by a rubber band. Once that’s been removed, instant yarn barf. Knitting with it drove me right up to the front door of a huge nervous breakdown. I think I managed to get about 25 rows in before giving up entirely.

Pooch by Patons. I have no idea why I bought this. You would have thought the label itself would have turned me off. I’ve always felt sorry for poodles whose owners give them those crazy haircuts…

Ah, Fun Fur. And Fun Fur Prints and Fun Fur Stripes. Lion Brand’s contribution to the decline of Western civilization. Here’s the thing: I could actually see a point to the stuff that comes in fur-like shades of brown or black or white. Very useful for toy-making. But this stuff? I know I bought these to make scarves. Several people owe me big-time for my procrastination.

And even worse: Fancy Fur. I don’t think I need elaborate.

Another Bernat monstrosity: Boa. Each colourway named for a different bird. These are just two of the several species I collected, intended for yet more scarves. Oh, and a poncho for my poor niece, I believe. She dodged a bullet, there.

And finally, Bernat Envy. As in, envious of natural fibres.

So, that’s a small sample of Piggy’s Hall of Shame. My only defence is ignorance, really. Newbie mistakes.

At the end of the day, here is what this sorry tale boils down to: more yarn left chez Piggy than entered it last weekend. By a pretty wide margin. I am actually in a stash-deficit situation. 

So I guess it’s a good thing that I will be back at Three Bags Full on Sunday morning, selecting new yarns to keep my now-tiny stash company.

Am I right, or am I right?


  1. Somewhere there's a whole troupe of naked Muppets missing their fur.

  2. (Oh, yeah, and remind me to get more info on that House Cup thing...don't want to miss out the next time around!)

  3. Huh, Big Ball of Boucle. Sounds like a really bad porno or something. Oh, and I had seen fun fur but I wasn't even aware of 'Fancy Fur'. A whole new level in flammability! Snort!

    Screw yarn diets. Let's go shopping!

  4. Wow dude... pooch.... yikes...
    I can say that the Matrix yarn is great if you use large needles. It make a lacy look without the touble of doing anything other than knitting. YAY!

  5. Yes your sister is breathing a sigh of relief. ;-)